On a business trip to India, a black American executive took some time off to play golf. He was playing particularly well when he noticed a group of locals watching him. They were jumping up and down and yelling, "Tiger Woods!"
 
Taking this as a compliment to his golfing skills, he turned and bowed ostentatiously in their direction.
 
It was at this point that a tiger came out of the woods and ate him.
 
(David Dunn)
 
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Tom is sick of city life, so he buys some land in Alaska, as far from humanity as possible. He sees the mailman once a week and goes out to buy groceries once a month. Other than that, it’s total peace and quiet.
 
After six months of solitude, a huge bearded man knocks on his door.
 
"Hi, I’m chuck, your neighbour from down the road," he says. "I’m having a party on Friday night, and I thought you might like to come."
 
"Great," says Tom. "I’m ready to meet a few locals."
 
"I have to warn you," says Chuck. "There will be some drinking."
 
"Fine by me," says Tom.
 
"And more than likely some fighting too."
 
"I think I can handle that," says Tom.
"And there will probably be some wild sex."
 
"That’s not a problem," says Tom. "I’m quite broad-minded. Now what should I wear?"
 
"It doesn’t matter — it’s going to be the two of us."
 
(Regina Lally)
 
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An elderly lady visits her recently deceased husband at the funeral parlour.
 
"I see he’s wearing a black suit," she tells the undertaker. "His dying wish was to wear a blue suit."
 
The undertaker says he’ll see what he can do.
 
The next day, when the woman returns, her husband is wearing a blue suit.
 
"Where did you get it?" she asks.
 
"After you left, a man about your husband’s size was brought in," the undertaker says. "He was wearing a blue suit, but his wife wanted him buried in black."
 
"After that, It was simply a matter of swapping the heads."
 
(Robert A’cout)
 
 
~ Reader’s Digest, April 2006